Fucking Ass-wads

Colorado Homeowner to be Fined for Peace Sign Wreath

According to Bob Kearns, the association's president, three or four residents have complained and at least one believes Jensen's decoration is a symbol of Satan.

"The peace sign has a lot of negativity associated with it. It's also an anti-Christ sign. That's how it started," said Kearns.

The peace sign is a symbol of Satan and an anti-Christ sign?? Well, then logically, if a peace sign is representative of Satan, which is counter to Christianity, it would follow that the cross -- and all symbols of Christianity -- is a symbol counter to peace. In other words, Christianity equals war. Hyperbolic as that statement is (and it's intended to be so), it's actually quite true.

Musings

Musing #1: A parodist's job is to exaggerate reality. She starts with something realistic and pushes it to an extreme, such that it becomes a hilarious caricature of its inspiration. This is what makes parody funny. So, I have this to say regarding the "leadership" team of the program on which I work: either it is composed of clowns and comedians pulling off a grand prank, or it is merely trying to beat the comedians to the punch to take the wind out of their sails. Case in point: the 50-foot "buffer zone", a.k.a. "the human shield" in which a buffer zone of U.S. employees is required to occupy the desks between program management and nefarious, swarthy foreign nationals, a.k.a. the bulk of the on-site workforce on this program.

Musing #2: The stated goal of the U.S. with regard to countries like N. Korea, Iraq and Iran is to prevent them from acquiring nuclear weapons. Presumably, because those countries haven't the level of responsibility possessed by the U.S. which is required to have but not use said weapons. So…the U.S. will go to war to stop nuclear weapons from being acquired and/or used. And, as in the war of terror on Iraq, the U.S. stated that if Iraq threatened the use of WMDs, the U.S. would respond in kind. Further, the legality/morality of the use of "bunker busting mini nukes", even without provocation, was seriously considered. That is to say that the U.S. will use nuclear weapons in order to prevent the use of nuclear weapons.

Creationist Clowns (they all are)

So what's with all the dinosaurs?: A sneak peek at a Creationist *ahem* "museum".

The museum's research scientist, Dr Jason Lisle, has a PhD in astrophysics from the University of Colorado at Boulder. He realised he was a Christian while he was an undergraduate, but didn't spread it around: "People get very emotional about the issue. I don't believe we should ever be obnoxious about our faith. I just kept quiet."

And wouldn't it be nice if all the bonk jobs would just please shut the hell up and keep their delusion to themselves.

And how did he pass the exams? "I never lied, but if I was asked a question about the age of the universe, I answered from my knowledge of the topic, not my beliefs."

Of course, the irony of his own statement was completely lost on him. He answered from his knowledge. KNOWLEDGE! Knowledge that is diametrically opposed to his BELIEFS. And somehow, this psychotic duality hasn't caused his brain to lobotomize itself.

Now, we are taken to meet Ken Ham, the museum's director and its inspiration. Ham is an Australian, a former science teacher - though not, he is at pains to say, a scientist - and he has been working on the project for much of the past 20 years since moving to the US. "You'd never find something like this in Australia," he says. "If you want to get the message out, it has to be here."

That's right. You go to where your audience is. And this country is nothing if not flush with morons.

He (Ham)lectures all over the world and spent a month in Britain earlier in the summer spreading the message to the faithful in parish halls from Cornwall to Scotland. "We want to try to convince people using observational science," he says.

"Observational science"? Really? And he wasn't laughed out of the country? What the fuck is "observational science"? All science is based on observation. That's what makes using the words "observational" and "science" in the same sentence as "creationism" so ridiculous. Does Ham mean to imply that he observed "creation" as it unfolded?? Or just that he "observes" the words printed on the pages of a book called the Bible, so that's good enough.

"It's done very gently but forthrightly. We give both sides, which is more than the Science Museum in London does."

First off, I doubt the Creation "museum" is giving the scientific side of anything. And second, I'm sure that even the board of the Science Museum in London would agree that the museum is quite one-sided...being that it's a science museum and deals in facts and reality rather than the ludicrous and demonstrably false. Oh, those damned scientists. Always biasing everything toward reality!

On the shelf behind Ham's desk lie several surprising books, including Richard Dawkins' latest. "I've skipped through it. (Translation: Ham is illiterate). The thing is, Dawkins does not have infinite knowledge or understanding himself. (And Ham does??!) He's got a position, too, it's just a different one from ours. (Yeah, and happens to be based in reality as opposed to a 2000 year old mental virus). The Bible makes sense and is overwhelmingly confirmed by observable science. It does not confirm the belief in evolution."

The Bible "makes sense"?? It's "overwhelmingly confirmed by observable science"?? Yeah, I suppose if your brain is made of swiss cheese.

But if you believe in the Bible, why do you need to seek scientific credibility, and why are Creationists so reluctant to put their theories to peer review, I ask?

"I would give the same answer as Dawkins. He believes there is no God and nothing you could say would convince him otherwise. (Because everything Creationists say about it is mental diarrhea.) You are dealing with an origins issue. If you don't have the information, you cannot be sure. (Doesn't seem to stop Creationists). Nothing contradicts the Bible's account of the origins."

Except, of course, for archeology, antrhopology, biology; basically every branch of modern science.

Cons: Backed into a Corner and Getting Scary

Conservatives sift through ashes of Tuesday's overwhelming electoral defeat

Sen. Dr. Mr. Tom Coburn (R-OK): "The overriding theme of this election, however, is that voters are more interested in changing the culture in Washington (true) than changing course in Washington, D.C. (Huh? Change culture but not course? You must have to be a brainless Repugnant to understand what the hell he's babbling about). This election was not a rejection of conservative principles per se, but a rejection of corrupt, complacent and incompetent government."

If Republicans are Conservatives and Conservatives operate based on conservative principles then wouldn't a wholesale rejection of Republicans (i.e. corrupt, complacenet, incompetent government) mean, at least in part, a rejection of conservative principles...per se?

In the November 8 edition of Tony Perkins' Washington Update, Perkins, the head of the Family Research Council, the leading "family values" lobbying group wrote: "As Pelosi prepares to lead the House, it will be painfully obvious that the values of her hometown, San Francisco, are not the values of Middle America. (And those among us with functioning brains are thankful for that!) Make no mistake. The battle in which we are set to engage will be the biggest one we have faced for our core beliefs. The assault against abstinence, marriage, life, good judges, and cloning may be the fiercest yet. As speaker, Rep. Pelosi and the old guard of extremists will pounce on the opportunities that their new committee chairmanships will afford them."

"Also, she rapes puppies with the crucifix, drinks blood, encourages promiscuous homosexuality, wants everyone to get divorced and wears the Stars 'n' Strips as a diaper", he went on to say as the press lost interest in his lunacy and quit quoting him. "Wait", he screamed at a waning press corps, "she's a terrorist!"

Gary Bauer: "I think our politics, while it might be hard to believe, are going to get even nastier over these next two years."

There you have it. Straight from the horse's ass. If you thought the neo-cons were disgusting, underhanded, self-righteous hypocrites who would tell the brashest of lies and engage in the most illegal of tactics before, it's about to get worse.

And, he warned, Americans should be prepared for a strong liberal agenda in the House.

One can only hope.

"You just can't get around the fact that the National Democratic Party is vehemently committed to abortion on demand and is in alignment with all of the demands of the radical gay rights movement," Bauer maintained. (Actually, you can get around those "facts"...with the truth. "Vehemently committed to abortion on demand"? "The demands of the radical gay rights movement"? Try a little dose of reality now and again, fucking ass-hat). "So, even as some of the people being elected are conservative Democrats, when they get here, they will be required -- they'll be forced -- to go along with leaders like Nancy Pelosi."

"And we can't stress adamantly enough that she rapes puppies with the crucifix, drinks blood, encourages promiscuous homosexuality, wants everyone to get divorced and wears the Stars 'n' Strips as a diaper", he said. Okay, he didn't actually say that. But he might as well have. I mean, are these guys fucking insane or what?

Stupid Is As Stupid Does

Miracle seeker in Jesus plummet

A man who climbed a 45-foot tall statue of Jesus to pray for a miracle cure saw his plan backfire slightly, when he fell off, breaking several bones.

Farmer Alipio Acosta climbed up the statue of Jesus in Ocaca, Columbia in front of a crowd of onlookers – and TV cameras – in an attempt to be cured of his epilepsy. Once at the top of the statue, he prayed for a few moments, then started to climb back down.

Unfortunately, he hadn't planned his descent route terribly well. To add to the problems, it had been raining, which made Jesus quite slippery.

As he tried to negotiate his way around Jesus' outstretched arm, Acosta dangled for a moment, before losing his grip, falling, bouncing off the plinth and then falling some more.

On the plus side, he survived. Which is a miracle of sorts.

He was taken to hospital, where he was diagnosed with multiple fractures to his wrist, hip and skull.

This is not the first time Acosta has climbed up the Cristo Ray statue – he did the same thing two years ago. On that occasion, he wasn't cured of his epilepsy, but he didn't fall 45 feet either, making the venture a sort of 0 – 0 win.