Turning 'Murika into a Theocracy

Grooming Politicians for Christ

Nearly every Monday for six months, as many as a dozen congressional aides — many of them aspiring politicians — have gathered over takeout dinners to mine the Bible for ancient wisdom on modern policy debates about tax rates, foreign aid, education, cloning and the Central American Free Trade Agreement.

Because, as we all know, the Bible is abundantly clear and specific about where Christians should stand on the issues of cloning and the Central American Free Trade Agreement. Cloning and Central American trade were central themes in the New Testament book of "Oh-That's-Right-They-Weren't!".

Through seminars taught by conservative college professors and devout members of Congress, the students learn that serving country means first and always serving Christ.

They learn to view every vote as a religious duty, and to consider compromise a sin.

That puts them at the vanguard of a bold effort by evangelical conservatives to mold a new generation of leaders who will answer not to voters, but to God.

Greeeeat. Rather than do the will of the people (the very definition of representative democracy and the ONLY job our representatives should have) the future leaders of America are being trained to do the will of a fictional, psychopathic, invisible man in the sky.

You know...when David Berkowitz said his "high demon" neighbor sent him messages through his evil dog, society treated him appropriately. There seem to be some discrepant standards at work here. Or do we only trouble ourselves with categorizing as insane those who receive messages to do physical harm (as opposed to just wrecking democracy) from hallucinations?

The most prominent is Patrick Henry College in Purcellville, Va., an hour's drive from the capital. The college was founded five years ago with the goal of turning out "Christian men and women who will lead our nation with timeless biblical values."

Timeless Biblical values. Like the abomination of eating shellfish? Or of murdering aldulteresses...but not adulterers? Or of devaluing the lives of women when compared to men? Or of slaughtering the women and children of one's enemies? Or the prohibition against...shaving? Timeless, indeed.

As Kennedy put it: "If we leave it to man to decide what's good and evil, there will be chaos."

Chaos...yes, I've heard of this. Ah yes, like in Iraq! Where BushCo has arbitrarily decided that it's "good" of us to murder and maim the brown-skinned people indiginous to the oil-rich region and "evil" of them to try to defend themselves. Or how about in the old testament where it was -- and, because the values in the Bible are "timeless", still is -- good to turn your daughters over to be gang raped by a mob (Gen 19:5-8) and bad to, oh I don't know, befriend someone who believes in a different (or no) god than you (Ex 23:32-33).

The seminars proved a revelation. In one, Greene learned that ministers ran many of America's earliest schools. He hadn't thought much...

(oops...sorry! I guess there was more to that statement -- although
there shouldn't have been!)

...about education policy before that class. Now he plans to fight for history lessons on the Founding Fathers' faith, science lessons drawn from the Book of Genesis and public school prayer.

I'm sorry...science lessons drawn from the Book of Genesis?? I guess I was right: he doesn't think much! Here's another revelation: many of the Founding Fathers weren't Christian! ~gasp~

"It's one thing to have a [biblically inspired] position on one or two issues," said Greene, 26, who was wearing a wristband printed with the slogan "Jesus Is My Homie." "This class has you look deeper. It gives you an intellectual consistency."

That's true! Fundie Bonk Jobs are typically devoid of all intellect. And that's about as consistent as one can get.

Wait a minute...is a white guy really wearing a bracelet that makes reference to the term "homie"? ~sigh~

On this night, the topic was bioethics. As the students unwrapped deli sandwiches and brownies, prominent bioethicist Nigel M. deS. Cameron praised them for thinking about the "great questions of the day" through the prism of faith.

Note to LA Times editor: "prison" was mispelled in that last sentence.

Too often, he added — to a few startled looks — "Christians are not noted for using their brains."

The nerve! Boy, it takes moxy to pretend to be surprised that we notice they don't use their brains.

In an hourlong lecture, Cameron argued that Christians must move beyond denouncing abortion to see the "moral outrage" in other common practices, such as paying Ivy League students to donate eggs in the quest for a perfect baby."

Taking human life made in God's image may not be as bad, from God's point of view, as making human life in your own image," said Cameron, a professor at Chicago-Kent College of Law. "Our humanity, warts and all, is what we have been given to steward. It's not to be manipulated."

That's right! We're evil, snivelling worms deserving of the worst kind of punishment for behaving in a manner...well, uh...you know, consistent with our nature. How dare we strive to end the human suffering that a loving(?) god has inflicted upon us!

When Cameron called for questions, one student tentatively raised his hand to ask about embryonic stem cell research — specifically, the use of "spare" embryos, frozen in fertility clinics. "Under current practice, they're going to be discarded" unless they're used for research, he said. "What do we say about that, as Christians?"

Typical of Christians. Can't think for themselves. They need the comfort of an authority figure telling them what's right and wrong, what to believe and what to condemn.

"They're going to die anyway, right?" he said, indignant. "We don't apply the same principle to death row inmates. They're going to die anyway, so why can't we get some use out of them? We'd be able to do some fascinating experiments."

Ah, sarcasm! A higher form of communication. Wait, I'm confused.

"The principle of manipulating human life to get experimental benefit," Cameron said, "that is a very, very serious line to cross."

Alright then, fine. No medicine for Mr. Cameron. Let him pray for a cure when he gets the clap from one of the hookers he visits. And nothing for his ailing parents or his sick kids. Gotta have the courage on one's convictions, you know? (How much ya wanna bet Mr. Cameron takes full advantage of every benefit modern medicine -- much of which is based on human experimentation -- has to offer?)

"If you're clinging to conservatism just because you like conservatism, you don't put yourself on the line for your beliefs," Stacey said. "Your positions need to come from something deeper and more meaningful."

Like the irrational belief in an invisible man in the sky!

That message (of the Christian Reich) resonates with Jessica Echard, 23, who completed the Statesmanship Institute last year.

Growing up in rural West Virginia...

Well color me shocked!!

Now the director of the Eagle Forum, a conservative lobbying group founded by Phyllis Schlafly, Echard says Jesus would approve of a call for lower taxes: "God calls on us to be stewards of our [own] money."

Really?? What ever happened to Jesus' "render unto Caesar..."?

Appropriately,

(Roller) ended the recent class on bioethics with a plea: "(Invisible man in the sky), we pray you will help us to know how we should respond to these issues."

The (automotons) answered as one: "Amen."