The Ridiculous Lengths to Which the Christian Reich Will Go to Insulate Itself from the World

Shaving Private Ryan

"CleanFlicks" now sanitizing movies of all artistic or creative value for uptight, overly-clenched Christians everywhere.

One CleanFlicks fan, David Miller of Chattanooga, Tennessee, states he’s delighted with his local branch. Now, he can rent Jackie Chan’s “Rush Hour” without seeing any shooting scenes. (Pugilistic bludgeoning is okay, but not bullet wounds?)

“I’ve tried to rent videos and speed past the nudity and violence but, doggone it, you already saw it and it already affected you,” he exclaimed. “It’s not just an innocent video, it’s affects the way you’re going to behave.

"So there I am sitting next to my wife and kids with a raging hard-on as a result of an on-screen flash of cleavage. An erection, by god! And that's the last thing I want to have to subject my wife to. Imagine her horror at my arousal! It was all we could do to conceive; what with all the disgusting, sinful sex and the vomiting at the atrocity of it all. We managed, somehow, to survive that horrible ordeal, and now this??

"And little Timmy? He was already vigorously rubbing up against the arm of the couch. It was Hedonism run amok, I tell you! It was just too much to take", he likely went on, eyes twitching, bashing himself in the head with his KJV.

Seriously, though. Click the link. Ed Naha's commentary is excellent!