Move Over Hummer

Soul-crushingly depressing? Or laugh-out-loud ridiculous? Yes.

"Bad Boy" Truck Dwarfs Hummer

The East Texas company aims to market the machine to civilians with disposable cash and a hankering for more protection from the outside world.

Wait, I'm getting an image of their target demographic. White. Male. Middle-aged but with the mentality of a 19-year old frat boy. More money than he or all of his inbred family needs or deserves. Homophobic but probably gay himself. Abmornally small penis. Overinflated sense of self-worth. That about cover it?

For $750,000, buyers can get the fully loaded "NBC" version that can, Ayres said, detect and block out fallout from nuclear, biological and chemical weapons by over-pressurizing the cab with filtered, clean air much like an aircraft.

Ayres said he isn't playing on post-Sept. 11 fears by offering the NBC option.

Of course he is! Is Jeff Gannon -- er, James Guckert -- a gay male prostitute whoring himself out (pun very much intended) as a shill for the Bush administration? Of course! Is the Bush maladmin playing on post-Sept. 11 fears in order to ramrod its fascist agenda? Absolutely!

"There's a certain group of people who color outside the box," (one guess as to which color it is; here's a clue: it rhymes with 'nog') Ayres said, and if they want to escape a city targeted by terrorists with dirty bombs or biological agents, "this is the truck for them."

Escaping a city targeted by terrorists? What universe does this guy live in where this is a necessary civilian vehicle??

Possible Bad Boy customers include ranchers, sports enthusiasts and possibly CEOs who need to travel through unfriendly areas, Ayres said.

What the hell??

Both the Hummer H1 and the Bad Boy began as military vehicles, and retain that look. On the ceiling of the Bad Boy cab is a mirror, lined by red lights. (Pimpin'!!) That's a turret for soldiers with guns in the military version, but "that's not an option we're offering" in the civilian version, Ayres said.

What??! Why not? Pansy, liberal prick! Think of the ranchers! Think of the "sportsmen"! They're GOING to need a .50 cal mounted to their turret!

Mommy, what does "pervasive" mean?

No Compromise

Colorado Christian University (CCU), a 1,600-student school near Denver, filed a lawsuit in federal court in December. The suit challenges the state's designation of the school as "pervasively sectarian" -- making its students ineligible for the College Opportunity Fund.

CCU president Larry Donnithorne said, "This is discrimination on the basis of religion. The First Amendment rights of our students are being violated."

Nothing quite like idiots misunderestimating the 1st amendment. "We have a RIGHT to get free money from the gummint so that we can indoctrinate the masses into our fairy tale!" Sadly (for them) no. The 1st amendment doesn't guarantee students the right to government subsidies so that they can go to Christian schools. It guarantees that they can go to a Christian school, if they so choose, neither hindered, nor helped by the government.

The nondenominational university contends that it is actually less "sectarian" in many respects than is Regis University, a Jesuit college in Denver. Regis passed the eligibility test. Naropa University, a Buddhist school in Boulder, has also qualified for other state assistance.

However, Donnithorne acknowledged that Regis made concessions to pass the test -- such as teaching other religions, hiring non-Christians, and making chapel services optional.

In other words, CCU teaches nothing but Christianity, hires only Christians, and requires students to attend Christian chapel services as part of the curriculum. Geeze, for the life of me, I just can't understand how that could ever be construed as pervasively sectarian!

Poor, Coddled Athletes...Boo-friggin'-hoo

I expected to get irritated over the ridiculousness of religion in sports (and I did) reported in this piece, but what blew me away was the following:

DuPree was hired by the organization Nov. 1 as part of the NBA's four-year-old development program helping players make the transition to the fast-paced, big-money league.

DuPree, 42, envisions the program as a trust-based outlet where a player can come to him with any issue and receive assistance. So far, he has helped rookies Damien Wilkins and Robert Swift find cars and set up bank accounts.

All I can come up with is, "WTF?!?". These pampered athletes -- who make a league minimum of $367,000 a year -- need a program to help them transition from not having money to having money? WHAT...THE...FUCK!!???? They don't know that, in order to "find cars", they need to go to a dealership? Or that, to set up a bank account, one finds a bank, walks in, and talks with a teller or financial advisor? If they can't figure these things out, perhaps they're not worth $367,000 a year!!! I just can't believe this. There are literally billions of people on the planet who make substantially less than these spoiled brat athletes and yet hundreds of millions of them somehow manage to start a bank account and buy a damned car.

A program to help the knuckle-draggers "transition" to the big-moneyed world. I can't fucking believe it.