Not a Relative of Santa Claus

Saint-making Pope ready to ditch miracle clause

Then who will bring toys to all the good little girls and boys?

What's that? Hold on ladies and gentlemen, this is just now being brought to my attention: the Pope is not, in fact, trying to ditch Santa Claus, but Miracle Clause, who I'm told is not related to Santa Claus. Sorry for the confusion.

CANDIDATES for sainthood will be exonerated from the requirement to have performed a miracle under guidelines being considered by the Pope.

Oh, man, all those pre-existing saints are gonna be pissed! They all had to perform medically inexplicable miracles from the great beyond in order to earn their sainthood, but now...geeze, the beatified of today sure do have it easy!

The Pope, 84, has created 482 saints in his 26 years as pontiff — more than all his predecessors put together — and has beatified 1,337 people.

Fecking jayzus!

He believes that “latter-day saints” offer a much-needed example at a time when Christianity is under threat from secularism and rival religions.

Example of what? That there really isn't anyone the senile old leader of Catholicism won't grant sainthood to?

Bertone said that there was a growing feeling in the Vatican that the need for miracles for both beatification and canonisation was “anachronistic”.

Oh. Yeah. Because Catholicism itself isn't at all anachronistic. Quite very modern the whole theology is. Indeed.