My twisted sense of humor - making light of a situation which has caused others great pain

This article is sad and very serious and I have no witty or sarcastic comments to make about the content, but the following sentence (obviously butchered in translation) just paints a hilarity I can't contain.

Acid attack on boy who refused sex with a Muslim cleric

"They are either hushed up and sorted out within the confines of school, or parents are pressurised not to report the incident to the media as it would give religion a bad name," said Zia Ahmed Awan, the president of Madadgaar, a joint project of LHRLA (Lawyers for Human Rights and Legal Aid) and Unicef, the United Nations children's fund.

The parents are pressurized?? How does this work, exactly? Pump 'em full of air until every time they open their mouth to complain that their child has been raped and disfigured nothing but unintelligible mouth farting ensues?

Haroon Tanoli, Abid's father, met strong resistance when he tried to take up his son's case with officials at the school.

Yeah, they were waiting at the school with a 30 gallon air compressor and a long hose with a fitting that looked like it meant business. "My son has been raped and disfig--".

"Pressurize him!"

"I despise hypocrites who sport huge beards in the name of religion and hinder the passage of justice in the name of Islam," said Mr Tanoli.

Must be an Islamic cultural thing -- or a really bad translation in to English. "You there! Sporter of overly gigantic facial hair! You, sir, are a hypocrite! I shave in your general direction!"