Puttin' the f-u-n in Fundie

Is that you, God?

In another fund-raising letter dated 1992, the benevolent reverend (Pat Robertson) wrote these words, "The feminist agenda is not about equal rights for women. It is about a socialist, anti-family political movement that encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism, and become lesbians."

Waaaa!! The feminists are coming, the feminists are coming!!

To his viewing audience he declared that Planned Parenthood, "...is teaching kids to fornicate, teaching people to have adultery, every kind of bestiality, homosexuality, lesbianism -- everything that the Bible condemns."

Oh, Pat, you're so silly.

In another moment of compassion, he made this comparison: "Many of those people involved with Adolph Hitler were Satanists, many of them were homosexuals -- the two things seem to go together."

Uhhh...doesn't Pat know that Grand-daddy Bush was involved with Hitler? I guess that makes GW's grandpappy a gay satanist!

He (Jerry Falwell) holds no qualms to his beliefs that, "If you're not a born-again Christian, you're a failure as a human being, or that "AIDS is not just God's punishment for homosexuals; it is God's punishment for the society that tolerates homosexuals."

Bonk!

The Rev. Falwell imparted his unearthly wisdom as he told his disciples that, "The idea that religion and politics don't mix was invented by the Devil to keep Christians from running their own country."

Oh, Jerry, you're as silly as Pat!

"Grown men should not be having sex with prostitutes unless they are married to them."

Stop, Jerry, you're killing me!

"AIDS is the wrath of a just God against homosexuals. To oppose it would be like an Israelite jumping in the Red Sea to save one of Pharaoh's charioteers."

Whoops! Looks like Jerry's "just God" missed the mark slightly on that one and (accidentally?) infected a whole bunch of straight people with AIDS, too. I wonder if Jerry feels that cancer and the ebola virus are also punishments from his god for something that people Jerry hates have done. And I wonder if Jerry thinks we should do no medical research at all to try and cure diseases.

The undeniable king of prophesy; however, is Benny Hinn. On April 2, 2000, on a TBN Praise-a-thon, he announced, "I'm prophesying this: Jesus Christ, the Son of God, is about to appear physically in some churches and some meetings and to many of His people, for one reason - to tell you He's about to show up."

What?? He's coming to tell you he's coming? Wow. What an important message.

On January 1st, 1990, the self-proclaimed oracle, shared two divinations:

"The Lord also tells me to tell you in the mid-90's, about '94, '95, no later than that; God will destroy the homosexual community of America. ... He will destroy it with fire. And many will turn and be saved, and many will rebel and be destroyed."

His second foretelling was, "The Spirit tells me Fidel Castro will die in the '90s." He elucidated that it would be a very horrible death!

Damn, he's good at this!