Fundie Bonk Jobs Blur Fact and Fiction

Rise of the Righteous Army

The "Left Behind" sagas begin with a mysterious event: one third of the passengers on a transatlantic flight suddenly disappear, leaving only their clothes behind.

What has happened? It's an event that evangelicals call the Rapture, where every true-believing Christian, and every child under the age of 12, vanishes in an instant to a better place. All others will face the Tribulation.

"It could happen at any moment. It could happen, as we like to say, during this interview. Like that. Bang", says Thomas Ice, who might be called a professor emeritus of the Rapture. He runs the Pre-Tribulation Research Center out of his garage in a Dallas suburb. It's a one-man think-tank funded by LaHaye and dedicated to preparation for the last days on earth.

A "one-man think-tank"? I'm sorry, but one person does not constitute a think tank. I believe the proper term would be "consultant". But what the hell, right? We're already talking about an "expert" on an event which has never happened and for which there is no evidence of a future event. So why not make one man a think tank!

"There is a lot of debate over whether artificial body parts, and contact lenses, and clothes would be "Left Behind" or not. But the body would definitely (my emphasis) be taken", adds Ice.

Definitely, huh? And this certainty would be based on...?

"That's what the Bible teaches. There are gonna be many Southern Baptists, for example, or many Presbyterians, or many Catholics, or people who are a part of Christendom", says Ice. "But if they haven't personally trusted Jesus Christ as their savior, even if they're a lifelong member of a church, you know, then they will be damned."

Mm-hmm. Of course, the Bible also teaches that if a person's faith is strong enough, that person could handle poisonous snakes and not die if bitten. (Mark 16:17-18, Luke 10:19) And we all know how well that's worked out for a number of dead, snake-handling, Christians.

"It's not a minority view, it's not a group of folks that are niched somewhere over there. It's a very mainstream view", says Wagner.

"We're not crazy! Look at how many people believe the same stuff as us! That makes us sane, right?"

"Will they just take the body and leave the clothes? Watches, and rings, and fillings? Will the whole body be taken? I don't know", says McWhinney. "But all I know is that God is in control of it. And I have to accept that and believe it. Or I begin to reject it, then it begins to work on my faith in the wrong direction. It would lead to doubt. Doubt is not even an option."

And there you have it folks. The crux of the whole belief system: "Do not question. Questions lead to doubt and doubt leads to hell." It must be nice to be in a line of work where all you have to say is, "Just trust me...and don't question what I tell you or really, really bad things will happen to you", and people are foolish enough to do as you say.

All four evangelical Christians, however, agree that they feel confident that they won't be "Left Behind".

You don't say!

"I realize that our message is inherently offensive and divisive, especially in this new age of tolerance. Especially since 9/11", says Jenkins. "I understand how that sounds. But I'm telling you this 'cause I really do believe it."

Well...I really do believe that you're a crazy nutjob who's preying on people's fears and manipulating them for profit!

"And so, with the White House, and Tom DeLay, and in the House of Representatives, the attorney general, talk radio, the conservative Fox News, all that sort of thing, these are parts of the righteous army that has finally come into its own."

Damn, it's frightening to actually see that printed.

How is Mr. Bush different from Jimmy Carter, who is a born-again Christian?

“When Jimmy Carter began to support abortion or other things, then that became a jarring inconsistency for many of these voters,” says Bauer. “With the president, what he says he believes as a matter of faith also seems to be reflected in many of the policies in his plan to distribute social services through religious institutions.”

Other examples include his rejection on gay marriage, his stand on stem cell research – views that fit perfectly into the agenda of the most powerful bloc in the Republican party.

Hey, Mr. Journalist, Mr. Softball-Question-Lobber, ask him about how the pResident's (supposedly) compassionate Christian lifestyle aligns with his war in Iraq. Ask him about the dead innocent children he's killed that he's supposed to care so much for as a Christian. Ask him why, if he follows a loving and compassionate religion such as Christianity, he feels the need to overinflate the military industry at the expense of healthcare and quality of life for those in this country who need it the most and can afford it the least! Ask him whether the pResident is a filthy liar or a goddamn hypocrite!

For evangelicals, the war in Iraq is seen not merely as a war against terror.

Last year, Lt. Gen. William Boykin, a deputy undersecretary of defense, and an evangelical, made headlines when he publicly described the war on terror as a religious mission. Of one Muslim warlord, he said, "My God is bigger than his. My God is a real God."

"My invisible friend can totally kick your invisible friend's ass. And by the way, your invisible friend is fake!"

A lot of people are uncomfortable with the Bush administration, and its cozy relationship with church and state. But Bauer disagrees.

"I don't see it. I don't know why they're uncomfortable. Nobody in America is being told how to worship", says Bauer.

There's a subtle, but telling, distinction between what Bauer said there and what the Constitution says. Bauer said that people are free to worship how they want. The implication being "...so long as they worship". What the constitution says is that people should also be free not to worship. Not only just not to worship, but not to be forced into funding anyone else's particular religious view. Which is exactly what school vouchers, for example, do. That particular policy forces tax-payers to subsidize the religious teaching of other people's children.